The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
