Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
