I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
