dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
