sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
