its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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