And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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