that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She's the barista slut.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The feeling are messing with the penis
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize