I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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