currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
