he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
