The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
