don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
