Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize