things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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