My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
