Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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