sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
