Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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