My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
