What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize