First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well I just put wine in my tea
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
