Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
