If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
