were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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