so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
