I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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