My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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