My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize