How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
