so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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