It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
