Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
