farters have to be the big spoon...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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