I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You can't just leave with hair like that
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How does it feel to date your dad?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize