hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
