I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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