this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We have started to decorate penises.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
