I can tuck mytits in my pants
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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