I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
