I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
