She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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