we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
