I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
