My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
