Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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