I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
