dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
