WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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