can we get nightvision for the apartment?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
