It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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