oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
