My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
