I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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