got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
