my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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