I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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