It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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