I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize