Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
