I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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