You work out of a Hotel?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
