shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize