im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
