he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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