Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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