Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
