who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
